As soon as December rolls around, when the air gets that moist chill to it and the sky turns a shade of grey that hints at the possibility of a few falling flakes, it's time to get in the holiday spirit. Department stores adopt the pop-rock christmas soundtrack, town hall dresses up in a flickering gown and the scent of pine seems to sneak up on you everywhere. But here's my problem...what... is... it? What is this elusive mindset that I'm to take on? Where can I find it? You can throw a red santa hat on me, I'll wrap gifts, I'll put the star on the top of the tree if you get me a large ladder...but does that mean I'm in the spirit?
Each time this season rolls around I find myself wondering what it means. To me, Christmas has never been about the religion, I'll admit to that. As a kid I used to go to midnight mass and fall asleep to incense and hymns, grew up a bit and enjoyed a brass quintet next to the organ, aged a few more years and didn't go anymore. I am proud to say I've never found it to be about the presents either, but finding those presents under the tree is always a bit magical, even if it's just the fact that someone was in fact, listening to you, when you mentioned a book you'd been meaning to read. Sometimes I found myself sad around Christmastime, thinking to myself that maybe it's about having someone you want to kiss under the mistletoe. I'd sit next to my fire at home, the embers still hot, my favorite little spot to be when the house is quiet and dark, I'd look at the beautifully decorated Christmas tree, get ready to send out my "merry christmas" mass text message, and truly not understanding what I was feeling.
But this year, I think I'm onto something. "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." I've been sitting here listening to it on repeat, and I realize that everything I've felt about the holiday is summed up and brought to the front by this one common carol. I think what I've always wanted from Christmas is a reprieve. For " all my our troubles to be far away. " Just a day where the world is quiet, where we're not sprinting around, chased by the clock, eyes. on the prize. If only for a moment, a light heart. For a second, a hug or a kiss that says I love you with more truth to it than the words could ever convey. I've wanted those "faithful friends," to know that they mean something, that how they act is out of the ordinary, that they deserve more than a Christmas card signed hurriedly with my name.
So what I'm thinking is, the holiday spirit is breathing. The holiday spirit is taking a snapshot of your life as it is, and instead of looking at how it can or should be changed instead of wondering if it would've looked better in black and white, you can just be content to look at it, because it's yours. This leads me to another question I've had, which is why you can't have the holiday spirit all year long. I suppose it just isn't plausible. We get caught up in the hustle and bustle, and I'm coming to realize, it's damn near impossible to avoid that. In fact, I'm coming to realize that's okay, as long as you take breaks. So that's what the holiday spirit is to me this year. A break. A time to recap. To sit in my house after being gone for longer than I ever have, and love the view.
I have a lot to be thankful for this year. Come to think of it, I always have. Maybe I just wasn't listening closely enough. Maybe there's something about being thousands of miles away from where I've always spent the holidays, and the time before it, that is giving me a different perspective. Hell it could just be the Christmas Markets and the hot wine. Whatever it is, I can't wait to be next to the tree in my living room, and that's what it's about, isn't it? A place you love because of everything and everyone in it?
Who knows for sure. Just have yourself a merry little Christmas.
