There’s something about being awake really late at night or really early in the morning.  Something about the stillness, the darkness, the tranquility.  It leaves you contemplative, makes you take stock of your life, consider what the hell you’re doing.  I wonder why.  There are certain thoughts that you’ll only stumble across when you’re alone, when the rest of the people around you are either asleep or just in another zone of consciousness.  There are some things that cross your mind when you’re sitting by yourself, when the moon and stars are complimented by the light of a candle’s flame.

I think about a lot of things.  Maybe too many.  I think about myself, about the way I fit into the world, the way I fit into the lives of my family and friends.  About people I love, about people I've hurt.  Maybe the darkness makes this easier, you know?  Maybe since the sun isn’t shining, since daylight doesn’t illuminate the scenery, focusing on yourself becomes a bit easier; there are no distractions.  Even if you want them.

  Self reflection is a difficult task, I think.  Its like looking at a funhouse mirror sometimes – you don’t really know what is the real image of yourself.  You see the good, you see the bad, but what does it mean?  I just think that an accurate visual of yourself is hard to find.  I think we all look at ourselves in a skewed fashion so often.  We’re tough on ourselves – I’m too fat, I’m to thin, I need a better tan, I’m not charming enough – or we don’t see our situations clearly – she’s being such a bitch these days, I can’t believe he said that – we’ve got a lot of steam to wipe away before we really see ourselves.  And even when all the bullshit is out of the way, even then it is hard to see ourselves, because sometimes the clear image isn’t what we expected, what we’d been thinking all along.  So maybe when we look and see the truth, it’s different than what we built up and created as reality.  Or maybe it’s just a trick of the moonlight. 

In other news, I went to Norway over the weekend.  Oslo was cold, dark and expensive.  The trip was fun, I saw some pretty scenery, and spent time with quality people.  But I'll admit, I'm happy to be back in a land with sunlight and cheap beer.