Jealous?

Jealousy...envy...seductive words, aren't they?  One would think that an act up there in the 7 deadly sins, an emotion that is, from personal experience, highly unpleasant, would have an ugly name.  But it doesn't.  Jealousy...envy...they roll off the tongue vampishly, like a 'come-hither' look across the room at a bar.  That's whay jealousy and envy are, aren't they?  The sexiest people at the party who flirt shamelessly for sport and coyly lead you...nowhere.  Jealousy, you minx.

I'm jealous of people, envy them, because what they have that I don't is tantalizing to me.  But what good does it do?  I give into jealousy's saucy pickup lines, 'now that's what it's all about, why not you? why aren't you fluent in 4 languages?'  And jealously then coyly slinks away, but his cologne still lingers, and I'm worse for the wear.

Jealousy's such a sleeze ball.  Shameless, absolutely shameless.  Not my type, but immunity is difficult because jealousy knows my weaknesses and I crumble, end up a puppet on a string.  And I'm tired of jealousy.  Because he's a player; he's a liar and a fake.  He's really never going to take me anywhere at all, I will gain nothing from this relationship.  Fuck off, jealousy, allow me to enjoy my beer in peace.

Right now, I can think of many things I want that others have.  Being in better shape.  Better work ethic.  People in love.  High intelligence.  Flamenco dance skills.  So here I am, and jealousy saunters over with a dirty martini, trying to make his moves.  "Damn Lauren, that's so terrible that you've never had a real boyfriend," he says, and gives me some puppy dog eyes.  But dammit jealousy, you don't give a shit about me, you've got the guy who's envying his friend's promotion in your peripheral vision if it doesn't work out with me.  I throw my drink at you, jealousy, you're SUCH an asshole.  

But you're always lurking, hanging out in the corner, seeking out vulnerability, and I hate knowing that I'll probably give into you again.  But there are more fish in the sea, jealousy, you're not the only game in town, and I'm going to find someone better than you, and we'll just see how you deal with it when I show up with a little someone named 'self confidence' on my arm.